Grief
Grief is a normal reaction to loss. Everyone grieves differently, and there is no timeline. There are no universal stages to grief as it is an individual experience. It is typical, however, for grief to evolve over time, so we must create space to process losses over and over again. Grief waves are likely to occur throughout development and should be expected. The grief journey never ends, but with time and processing the pain lessens, and one can identify ways to go on despite the loss.
Change = Loss = Grief
Losses that commonly lead to feelings of grief include:
Death of a loved one
Death of a pet
Infertility
Serious or life altering diagnosis
Significant change of any kind
Pregnancy loss
Relationship breakup
Separation or divorce
Risk Factors for Complicated Grief:
Close relationship to or dependency on the deceased person prior to the death
Death of a child
Disturbances in caregiver availability and support (for bereaved children)
Economic stressors
Lack of a healthy support system
Violent or unexpected death (to include death by suicide, homicide or overdose)
William Worden’s Tasks of Mourning
For those grieving a loss, grief specialists often refer to William Worden’s four tasks of mourning. These are thought to be tasks grieving people must accomplish in order for equilibrium to be reestablished.
Accept the reality of the loss. This refers not only to basic acknowledgement but also to true acceptance of the depth of the relationship one had with the deceased and the correlating impact. This task also refers to accepting the mechanism of death which can be particularly complex when a loss is due to suicide, overdose or other stigmatized means.
Work through the pain of grief. One must identify healthy ways to externalize emotion rather than holding it in. It’s important to identify ways to get hurt feelings out safely (talk it out, draw it out, write it out, run it out, cry it out, etc.). Emotion must be expressed.
Adjust to an environment in which the deceased is missing. This task refers to the cognitive restructuring that takes place while processing how a loss has impacted and changed one’s identity and perceptions. (Who am I now that I have lost this person? How do I think about life differently? What does this loss mean for me?)
Find an enduring connection with the deceased while embarking on a new life. Death ends a life but not a relationship. One can work to establish continuing bonds with the deceased. This can be done through rituals (honoring loved ones on special days), visiting gravesites and striving to incorporate personal values or personality attributes of special people who have died.